Broken
by hoproman
Summary: John Crichton's thoughts as he waits to marry Princess Katralla.


"Broken" - By [Hoproman][1]   
Rated PG | 7KB | Archived 07.27.00  
Spoilers: Yes, minor ones from S1 and S2 from Look at the Princess, Part 1: "A Kiss is But a Kiss."  
Summary: John Crichton's thoughts as he waits to marry Princess Katralla. Takes place sometime during LaTP, Part 2.  
  
Disclaimers: Farscape belongs to Jim Henson Productions & The Sci-Fi Channel, etc.  
  
Archiving: Yes. If you want it, it's yours - just keep my name and e-mail address with it. And if you'd let me know where it is, I'd like to visit. :-))  
  


* * *

I am John Crichton, a human being and I am cursed. How could things have possibly turned out this way? One microt we're in my module and we're kissing. The next thing I know I'm standing here waiting to marry Princess Katralla. What a joke that is. She probably doesn't love me and I know I don't love her. How could I love her when I love you? How can I be with her when all I want is to be with you?

I still remember that first day, the first time I laid eyes upon you. As soon as you took off your flight suit helmet I was struck by how incredibly beautiful you are. I walk over to introduce myself and you proceed to slam me into the wall and kick the crap out of me. Well I certainly asked for that didn't I? You must have seen how I looked at you. In that one instant I knew there was something about you that attracted me like a moth to a flame. I didn't know what it was then. I still can't figure out what it is now. There is just something about you that I want. That I desire. That I need. We are so different in so many ways but at the same time we also have much in common.

I remember the first time we kissed when we were trapped in The Flax. Granted I can't be sure if it was all you or if it was the pure oxygen but what a kiss. Our one night of shared passion. Is that all that there will ever be?

Why can't I tell you how I feel? I think you already know but I never said it. Now I'm never going to get the chance to tell you. Why didn't I just say, "Frell it. I love you. Deal with it."

I didn't tell D'Argo the whole truth when I talked about hope. The hope of someday going home to let my family and my friends know that I'm still alive and well. How can I be a statue for eighty cycles? Why can't I really explain how I feel? How can I do this and never see all of you again? Never again to see D'Argo and Chiana, Zhaan, Rygel, Pilot, Moya, but most of all to never again see you. Do you know how much that hurts me? Exactly how long do Sebaceans live? Would you, could you come back to visit me after eighty cycles? Would you still be angry with me? Would you ever talk to me again? Jeez, would you still be alive in eighty cycles?

You were so mad and sad at the same time when you came to say goodbye to me. You said, "I don't know what you're talking about but there's never been anything we couldn't overcome together."

I tried to explain to you that Scorpius scares me. But I don't know how to make you understand. "Except each other." Did I actually reply with that? Stupid, stupid, stupid, I am a stupid and foolish man.

"Don't you think that there are things to say?" Even then I still couldn't tell you how I feel. I guess I was hoping you could tell me how you feel about me. I was looking for something, some small hope to grab and cling onto.

But then you said, "At this point what else can we say except goodbye." Can't you see this is killing me? And like a jackass I say, "You're right. You're always right." You just turn around and walk away from me forever. With resignation I very softly and dejectedly say, "Bye," to your back. Coward that I am I couldn't say it to your face. Via Condios my Doña Aeryn.

I had hoped that someday you would come to love me back as much as I love you. That is the hope without which I am nothing. I see now that it was not meant to be. Life is so full of cruel hoaxes.

Oh, looks like the ceremony is starting. Princess Katralla is being escorted down the aisle. This is the end of John Crichton, human being, and the beginning of John Crichton, a broken man. Drowning.

I need a miracle.

**Finis**

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You are invited to send comments and/or feedback to the author at: [the_hopeful_romantic@yahoo.com][1].

  
  


   [1]: mailto:the_hopeful_romantic@yahoo.com



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